We’ve seen some houses. Then we saw some more. And how do you know which is right for you? We go back to the basics. Why are you buying a house in the first place, kid? You wanted more space, like a backyard. Terrazzo flooring was in a dream you had. Maybe you were just sick of paying someone else’s mortgage and not your own. We’ll have sorted through that during this process. This is when “it” gets real. You gotta make a move. Imagine seeing your dream girl at Finn McCool’s and letting her leave without getting her number. Idiot. There goes your whole life. Not really, because there are tons of fish in the sea. Just move on down to Mid City Yacht Club. But houses in New Orleans are way less plentiful than people in this city, so get your big boy pants on and do this with me. Let’s make an offer!
Stop Smiling, You Happy Clown
So we’re in this house for a viewing. You’re internally freaking out because you feel it. Your couch goes there. Juke box there. The made-up family you invented will be so happy and you can’t wait to tell them! Everything is perfect. But you can’t tell them because they don’t exist. You can tell me, though. I’m excited. I’m feeling it, too. I knew it when I walked into my own house, pink walls and carpet, window unit and all. That sucker was going to be mine. Don’t think I let anyone know while I was there, though. I was as stoic as the Mona Lisa. I acted like there were 497 other houses just like it. Holy cow, though, I needed this house to be mine. (I’m still in it, by the way, but the walls are grey and I have central A/C.)
Get Your Butt in the Car, NOW
We need to leave, NOW. We need to get out of there and make an offer on this house. You don’t want to lose it to that perky chick leaving as we were walking in.
She probably lives with her parents and can stay there and have her mom fold her undies another month. You, on the other hand, need to achieve your homeownership independence. We can hold each other’s arms and hop up and down somewhere else. Now is not the time, nor the place. In fact, I’m already in my car driving away to get home and write the darn thing. Yes, I know it’s Friday night and you have plans. So do I. But I’m making your dreams come true by making you make this offer on this house. That trumps my exciting night of bad karaoke and cheap beer at Kajun’s Pub. I really love to karaoke, though, but I stink. Ask me if I care.
Make an Offer that Can’t Be Refused
I get home, write up the perfect offer, and send it over to you via DocuSign. It’s so nice because you can do it from any device. But PLEASE, for the love, read the contract. I know you trust me implicitly, but at least read the highlights. Although I am close to perfect (ask my glowing fiancé), I am not exactly perfect. I need you to make sure you know what you’re signing. When you complete that, I send it over to the listing agent, and voila. You have officially submitted a freaking offer. What do you do next? Get dressed and let’s go karaoke!